Fret buzz – action too low, neck relief is out of whack or your guitar needs a fret level ..Ouch and expensive

Flub or boom – too much bass

Screech, nasally or ice pick – too much highs

Crackle – bad leads or dusty pots.

Bang – blown up something

Whack – nobody wants to hear that especially if it’s a high end guitar , put them on stands and keep away from dogs, walls and kids.

Twang – a country note, wrong, but not as wrong as a jazz note

Clunk – you pulled your lead out from your guitar  while amps on.

Scratch – Cat on your cab or you not lifting your hands off the strings when you move, fast fret can make transitions easy but you’ll have to sort that out.

Whine – your girlfriend as you play instead of cuddle time or feedback from too much gain or not turning your volume down when you pop for a tinkle.

Electricity Buzz – leads, bad connections and single coil pickups can cause this and also recording with USB and computer screens, also known as 60cycle hum.

Crack or pop – thats your neck or back from bad posture, this will hurt when your old

SSSHHHZZZZZYYYY – this is unmuted strings , get a guv gear fret wrap or hairband.

Snap- that’s your top E string gone, keep a spare and change them regular

Grind – thats the sound of your teeth as your girlfriend of kid or best friend touched your lovely expensive guitar

Rumble – thats that noise you can’t find the cause of when you play just one note on one spot on the neck. Probably your speakers going.

Rinnnnnggggg – thats the noise you hear when you didn’t wear earplugs or played to loud all night

Squeak – that’s old Floyd rose tremolo springs , you can put a tube straw in those or get plastic coated noiseless ones

Silence – that’s the sound of nothing, not what you want to hear from your pedalboard , use good leads

Hum – amp transformers, valves and/or using the wrong power supply with your pedals.

Tap tap tap – that’s the sound of you NOT practicing and on facebook

Hiss – usually related to distortion pedal, too much gain or bad EQand cheap components, bring the highs down and get a noise gate.

Gulp – thats the sound of you as you price up guitar lessons but they are worth it

No – that’s the sound of your mum, girlfriend or bank manager when you “feel” you need a new guitar, but hey!- if you listen closely right now you'll hear another noise ...that is the sound of inevitability, you will own another guitar .

 

 

Mark Thompson